Many of us have goals, dreams, and aspirations of how we want life to go. You want the man/woman, and when that person comes and you fall in love, and are blissfully happy, what tends to happen is that you put aside your personal goals for a little bit. You’re “all in” on the relationship and forget about everything else for a while.
Now for many of us, that means we get a little “fappy” - fat and happy. Some of us relax a little on our studies or career goals. And that’s okay! You’re entitled to enjoy the new stages of a relationship. And if he or she lasts and sticks around, then that’s even better.
However, at some point you might look at yourself and realise that you may have been neglecting a few areas of your life. And life goes on, the honeymoon period wears off a little, you gain some independence back. Or we want to.
First of all, don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you have goals or there’s something you want to do. Whether it’s lose weight or tone up, tackle a project, take a course, go on an adventure, whatever it is. The truth is that you need an open and honest conversation.
1) Tell them how you've been feeling and what you want to do about it.
2) Come into it calmly and with an open mind.
If they’re all good with what you want to do, that’s great. Expect that they may have some questions, want to discuss finances or how things will work schedule-wise. This is all good and healthy conversation.
If you feel fear around this conversation, that’s normal, but it may be unfounded. Please don’t have any expectations of what they will say or do. You can have hopes, but not expectations.
If it doesn’t go well, that’s okay, come at it a different way on another day. But feel it out, and do a gut check. If they're in a foul mood or the timing is bad, it's not worth it right now.
If you’re really determined to do these things for you, just know that you’re worthy and deserving of that. You’re willing to do all the work yourself? Even better. But if you’re putting yourself and what you want behind the needs or wants of your partner, that may raise some questions.
Now I understand if you need to postpone what you want. We all have to do that sometimes. For example, you want to take a course worth $4000. I can understand taking some time to save of that money or at least creating some cushion for the period you’ll be studying. Or waiting until your coworker is back from maternity leave so that there’s more wiggle room with work duties. But if you’ve been postponing for years, and you still want that thing… it’s time to make a plan. Put your foot down and figure out how to make it work for you (and your family).
And it’s time to ask yourself if that person and this relationship is right for you. I get that this is fucking terrifying. This relationship is all we’ve known for a while now. And we don’t want to hurt anyone. Maybe you’re scared of the financial implications. I get that, I would be too. There are many, many community supports out there. If you’re scared of the anger, there are many supports for DV victims and how to manage that so that you stay safe. But you are strong, resilient, and you can do this.
I can’t tell you what you need to do. Only you can know that.
But I can support you. Click here to get in touch.
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