Updated: Aug 23, 2019
Refer to Timeline Blog for context.
In October of 2011, my husband and I moved to Canada. Anybody who has moved countries will tell you it’s one of the most stressful decisions you can make. And very expensive, much more than you'd think. From flights, to setting yourselves up with cars, a house, furniture, visa’s and immigration fees, and all before finding a job.
We lived with his mom and sister and I tried to adjust to literally everything, from my eating, to adjusting to the cold, just general habits like opening windows for fresh air (a no-no if the furnace is on). This was a really full-on way to become part of the family. And we did butt heads a few times, I felt fragile and I took EVERYTHING as a personal attack at that point. I was a fish out of water, I was away from home and actually really depressed. I felt completely alone and I will admit that I was a brat. This 22 year old was moody and temperamental, probably a nightmare to live with. I made my poor husbands life pretty miserable. And I felt like I couldn’t say any of this to anyone back in Australia because I wanted them to think I was having a grand old time. I also felt like I couldn’t say I missed them because it would show some kind of weakness or vulnerability in my decision. That made it hard when they told me they missed me and all the things I was missing out on. I cried after every skype call.
The few photos I have of myself from this time were blurry. Here's a still from Christmas 2011.
The weight came back on again and after 3 months of living there, my permanent residency had come through and I needed to look for work. My hubby had been completing schooling at a technical college (TAFE in Aussie lingo) and we were pretty low on cash.
I could only get a job at Dairy Queen with such short notice. Dairy Queen makes delicious ice cream treats, as well as burgers and all that jazz. It was so tempting to nibble or try things while I was working there. Winter was starting to change my habits too, staying inside and warm was much more comfortable than going out in the weather.
It was at this point that I knew I needed to counteract these behaviours and I started going to the gym for the first time since I was 18. I started out doing lots of cardio, and some weights. I was not confident, I felt ashamed and embarrassed for allowing myself to get so big. I was very self conscious of all my wobbly bits and felt like I just didn’t belong there. I actually have documented my “Gym Journey” written in a separate blog. I also started counting calories.
All the while, I was still applying for other jobs and after about 7 months, I found an admin position in an employment agency. I began work there and fell off the wagon a little bit with my eating as my lovely co-workers brought in donuts and treats and it was so hard to resist. I realise now that they were also bigger ladies. It’s like that saying, we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. I continued with the gym, but my heart wasn’t in it, I had to force myself to go (20 seconds around the corner) there. I felt lazy and unmotivated.
But then I started doing Spin classes on a Wednesday after work. And it took me back to when I was 18 and doing Spin/RPM classes at Goodlife. I loved them. I loved the instructor and I started to get my confidence back.
To be continued…
Let me know below if you’ve ever felt like I did at the gym. Reach out if you could use my help to get yourself out of a rut and feeling fabulous.